i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
