I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
