Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
