The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
