Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
