I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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