One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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