I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
