oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
