i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
