Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
