I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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