That's intense
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
