I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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