I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pants are for mortals
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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