Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Non-Jews are for practice
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
