I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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