hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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