I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
