im six kinds of drunk right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
