walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
