remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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