there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
