watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
