Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
