alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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