know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
