Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
