You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
