Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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