I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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