We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
