He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize