My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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