At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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