Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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