I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
