I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
