There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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