do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
