I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
