Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
