smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
