Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
