I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
