You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
