I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
