I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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