There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
