u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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