So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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