I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy