i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?