I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The Olympian is in my bed