I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Drunk is not a location!