Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.