there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we're making bets on your personal life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
