you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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