nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
