I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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