you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
