ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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