im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
