I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
