Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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