You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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