I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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