college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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