apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
