Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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