My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
