my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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