I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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