And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize