dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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