if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
