If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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