My room smells like vodka and shame
if only i could text you this smell
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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