I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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